When it comes to Thai sex attitudes and behaviour in the land of smiles, you should be aware that there is a LOT of rubbish written about the whole thing and that most westerners have no clue about Thai attitudes and behaviour. This is especially true of the self-proclaimed experts, many of whom base their entire knowledge of Thailand on a 2-week vacation to Pattaya.
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In this section of my site I want to put my two cents worth in and explain how I see things, but I do encourage anyone else with an opinion on the matter to write in with their story/viewpoint.
First and foremost, and as I’ve explained in other sections of the site, Thailand is a very conservative country at heart and it’s important not to confuse mainstream behaviour with the sort of activities that you see in the tourist hotspots! That said, there is a big difference between reality and the words that you will read or hear about from a Thai lady as regards the pace at which a sexual relationship might progress from being platonic to a full on intimate liaison. Almost all Thai women will insist that a respectable lady will hold back on the intimate stuff until such a time as she deems it right and proper to become intimate; in reality, as with ladies the world over, much will depend on the nature of how you meet and who you meet.
I’ll use an analogy to put my point across – consider your typical western girl on a vacation (holiday if you prefer) somewhere far from home. She’ll likely get up to all sorts of stuff that she wouldn’t dream of doing back home because, when operating in her usual social surroundings, she will want to protect her reputation… Take her outside of those usual social surroundings and put her in the company of men that she’s unlikely to ever see or hear from again, and you can bet that she’ll be far less inhibited as regards intimate relations!
The same logic applies to Thai girls, and you should consider that when you meet up with regular online ladies whilst visiting Bangkok and other Thai cities. Don’t be surprised if a first date in these circumstances leads to an intimate encounter; the weight of evidence amongst the stories I’ve heard suggests that it is quite likely.
Thai girls know that the western men they meet online, or in shops/restaurants and so on, are not likely to end up interacting with anyone from their own social or professional circle of contacts, so they tend to have much less fear of damaging their reputations by jumping straight into bed… Of course, if you do meet a regular Thai lady from within a shared circle of friends or work colleagues, then you can expect things to progress much more slowly!
Thai sex attitudes and behaviour is not just about the speed at which a meeting will progress from a vertical to a horizontal liaison, so let’s have a look at some other important considerations.
For girls under the age of about 25, depending on the girl, Thai sex may be more readily available just as it is with young girls in western countries. However, as with western countries, it will sometimes only be available (for free) to similarly young men (be they western men or Thai men.) That’s not always the case and sometimes a significantly older man can get lucky with a much younger Thai lady but it is far more likely that payment will be expected. A lot of westerners love to brag about the success they’re having for free, but in a lot of cases the girl involved would have been expecting some money even if nothing was mentioned… A Thai man would understand this and the Thai lady might simply expect you to understand without the embarrassment of an actual request for payment.
For older groups, sex for fun is sometimes seen as being a little unwholesome in the traditional areas, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen… just that an older woman would almost certainly want to keep things much more private. That is a big selling point for westerners – the extra privacy offered means that many a mature Thai lady will turn to westerners for their fun. It’s also true that a high proportion of Thai men are not interested in the ladies from an older age group, so westerners have a lot of opportunities here.
Any particular girl that you meet might behave quite differently depending on what she is expecting from a relationship. As explained already, if you meet a girl in the workplace and set about winning her heart, don’t expect to get her into bed anytime soon. She will know that there’s a risk of workplace gossip causing damage to her reputation and will play things in a much more reserved fashion. If, on the other hand, you met that same girl online and she felt that she could keep her relationship with you as a completely private thing with no chance of your lives crossing paths in a social or professional capacity, then she might well decide that intimacy on a first date is fine. Thai sex kept secret usually leads to much more Thai sex in general!
If the girl in question is hoping to meet a lifelong partner then she is going to want to make a good impression and there’s no way that she is going to hop straight into bed with a prospective husband. A casual acquaintance on the other hand might be someone to share intimacy with on a ‘no-strings’ basis. Many otherwise respectable ladies and gentlemen in Thailand have got secret acquaintances with whom they shrug off their prim and proper personalities and let themselves indulge in passionate encounters. Obviously, these sorts of relationships are kept very secret.
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Sex with regular Thai girls, and even with non-specialist bar girls, tends to be relatively straight laced. Vaginal and oral sex is certainly commonplace but if you are hoping to find a lady that enjoys something a little more adventurous e.g. anal sex, then this is much less common than with western girls.
Many regular Thai ladies can be quite naïve, and some will allow you to progress things much more quickly than she would choose. If you are not intending something serious, then using a regular girl to satisfy your urges is a very bad idea, and can quite possibly lead to serious repercussions. Thais have no problem with westerners using the services of a working girl to satisfy their needs, but take advantage of a regular girl with no intention of ongoing commitment and they will despise you with a passion!
Whilst the heartlands of the kingdom are still very conservative and traditional, there is something of a Thai sex attitude revolution going on that is something akin to what happened in the western world during the 1960’s. Things are changing a bit more slowly than that, but there is a definite evolution of attitudes towards a more western sort of mindset. I imagine that, to some degree, this is an inevitable consequence of the effects of globalisation. Regardless of this changing mindset, were you to have an open and frank conversation with a group of young Thai girls about when it is appropriate to have sex with a new boyfriend, they would all insist that the first date is way too soon (even if, in practise, they will happily indulge!)
If this subject doesn’t raise a few eyebrows than nothing will! When it comes to monogamy, Thai sex attitudes and behaviour are thought to weigh heavily on the unfaithful side, but that’s nonsense. It all comes down to what sort of girl you’ve gotten involved with; if your girl married you for love (as a regular Thai girl would) then she will want the marriage to work, and that means that she’ll want to be in a proper committed relationship. As usual, the bad rap that Thai girls get is due to the sex tourists that end up married to working girls – these cases usually do lead to unfaithful behaviour, but it’s nothing to do with your girl being Thai.
There are, however, some possibilities that a Thai lady will stray if she doesn’t feel completely reassured that you are 100% committed to her, and this is especially true if you’ve taken her overseas to live with you. Thai sex attitudes tend to become much more liberated once a lady gets used to life in the west, where many of the social shackles that might foster a more traditional lifestyle are lost. This is especially true if your girl has experienced poverty and the reasons for that might be a little less obvious, so I’ll explain.
Basically, you need to consider her position through her eyes – once she’s with you in the west, all her eggs are placed in your basket and if you turn out to be unreliable then she might end up being cast aside in a foreign country. Thai girls that have known poverty do not forget it, and they will be very unlikely to give up their instinct to create safety nets in case things go belly-up with their current relationship. That means that the urge to create a network of other romantic contacts, as a fall-back position, might be ingrained very deeply into her psyche.
She won’t know anything about western social welfare safety nets and she’ll be scared that she could be thrown onto the streets with no money, and no friends to help her out. If she thinks that there is any possibility of this happening then she might well look for a safety net in the event that her marriage fails. The solution to this problem is to make absolutely certain that your girl knows that you are completely devoted to her; don’t play immature mind games with her, and give her plenty of attention and reassurances because she’ll likely have some concerns even if you have none. Words are known to be cheap in Thailand; deeds speak much more, so providing lots of little gifts to let her know that she’s always in your thoughts will go a long way to help with this.
Thai sex attitudes, beliefs, practises and norms are a complicated thing to understand so, if you have any Thai sex related stories (nothing explicit) let me again invite you to send them in. You can reach me via the ‘contact us’ link at the bottom of the page.
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